POLITICS

Tuesday, Feb. 2, 3:23 AM PST

Janet's Boob Fails to Distract Nation from Real Problems

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- White House officials are reporting that Karl Rove's title of "political mastermind" is in jeopardy after "Operation Chicken Breast" failed to distract ordinary citizens from the nation's real problems, such as a flagging economy.

The plan called for Janet Jackson to expose her naked chest to over a billion broadcast viewers watching Super Bowl XXXVIII last Sunday. According to internal White House documents, if all went as expected, the ensuing media coverage would dominate headlines, news broadcasts and talk radio for weeks to come, perhaps providing yet another non-issue on which George W. Bush could campaign.

However, it appears that Rove picked the wrong celebrity.

"We begged him to choose Britney or Madonna, but Karl wanted the old chick," said one official who wished to remain anonymous.

It's the second time in less than a month that a Rove stunt has failed to distract the country from its foreign and domestic woes. The first instance was Bush's insistence that professional athletes were to blame for America's moral decay during his State of the Union address a few weeks ago. The ridicule that followed had many wondering whether or not Rove still "had it."

"I think he kept saying 'I'm still the political mastermind, I'm still the political mastermind,' but he kept stuffing doughnuts in his mouth, so it sounded like, 'M'm fwill va powiwiwomafahmine,'" a second official said.

"Karl likes to eat when he's sad," the official explained.

Rove's fixation with Janet Jackson is well known and documented, leading many to fear that Bush's special advisor was led by his loving heart rather than his machinelike mind.

"Karl knew Janet wanted to distract everyone from Michael's pedophilia problem, and he knew Bush needed something else to campaign on after that State of the Union disaster," said another White House official.

"I guess he thought he'd kill two birds with one stone, but unfortunately, that particular stone's a bit too old and droopy in the chest to distract anyone," the official added.

Rove apparently isn't conceding that the failure of "Operation Chicken Breast" is his fault.

"Karl keeps pacing back and forth, saying how everything would have worked if Justin (Timberlake) had exposed both tits. He's also saying something about being the 'dingus ov mah denuhwaishun,' which I think means 'genius of my generation,' but I could be wrong," said a third official.

Whether or not Rove's problem with Timberlake lays with the lack of ensuing nationwide debate, or not seeing Mrs. Jackson's breast in there entirety, remains undetermined.

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