Tuesday, Feb.
2, 3:23 AM PST
Janet's Boob Fails to Distract Nation
from Real Problems
by Brent
the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- White House officials are reporting
that Karl Rove's title of "political mastermind" is
in jeopardy after "Operation Chicken Breast" failed
to distract ordinary citizens from the nation's real problems,
such as a flagging economy.
The
plan called for Janet Jackson to expose her naked chest to over
a billion broadcast viewers watching Super Bowl XXXVIII last
Sunday. According to internal White House documents, if all went
as expected, the ensuing media coverage would dominate headlines,
news broadcasts and talk radio for weeks to come, perhaps providing
yet another non-issue on which George W. Bush could campaign.
However, it appears that Rove
picked the wrong celebrity.
"We begged him to choose
Britney or Madonna, but Karl wanted the old chick," said
one official who wished to remain anonymous.
It's the second time in less
than a month that a Rove stunt has failed to distract the country
from its foreign and domestic woes. The first instance was Bush's
insistence that professional athletes were to blame for America's
moral decay during his State of the Union address a few weeks
ago. The ridicule that followed had many wondering whether or
not Rove still "had it."
"I think he kept saying
'I'm still the political mastermind, I'm still the political
mastermind,' but he kept stuffing doughnuts in his mouth, so
it sounded like, 'M'm fwill va powiwiwomafahmine,'" a second
official said.
"Karl likes to eat when
he's sad," the official explained.
Rove's fixation with Janet Jackson
is well known and documented, leading many to fear that Bush's
special advisor was led by his loving heart rather than his machinelike
mind.
"Karl knew Janet wanted
to distract everyone from Michael's pedophilia problem, and he
knew Bush needed something else to campaign on after that State
of the Union disaster," said another White House official.
"I guess he thought he'd
kill two birds with one stone, but unfortunately, that particular
stone's a bit too old and droopy in the chest to distract anyone,"
the official added.
Rove apparently isn't conceding
that the failure of "Operation Chicken Breast" is his
fault.
"Karl keeps pacing back
and forth, saying how everything would have worked if Justin
(Timberlake) had exposed both tits. He's also saying something
about being the 'dingus ov mah denuhwaishun,' which I think means
'genius of my generation,' but I could be wrong," said a
third official.
Whether or not Rove's problem
with Timberlake lays with the lack of ensuing nationwide debate,
or not seeing Mrs. Jackson's breast in there entirety, remains
undetermined.
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