Monday, Dec. 15, 2:04 AM PST

Saddam's Capture May Derail Quest for the White House

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Beltway insiders are speculating that Saddam Hussein's chances of winning the Democratic nomination for president are greatly diminished now that he's in the custody of U.S. forces in Iraq.

"Is political prisoner! Bush make Saddam political prisoner, yes! Bush know once Saddam elected president, Bush dead man!" an unkempt Hussein babbled as he was placed in shackles by U.S. soldiers.

"Remember Uncle Saddam when polls open next year! Death to Bush!" Hussein added hastily before a soldier shoved him into a Humvee.

Hussein -- who has campaigned for the nomination along with nine other Democratic hopefuls for several months -- wasn't a favorite in anyone's book, partly because he ran on issues already well covered by better known candidates.

"Against war with Iraq!" Hussein declared last week during a debate in Durham, NH.

"Unjustified war! Illegal war! When president, Saddam withdraw infidel American forces from sovereign nation of Iraq! Return power to rightful ruler!"

"Wooo, you're against the war, Saddam?" teased would-be nominee Dennis Kucinich, the only candidate in the group who was behind Saddam in polling numbers. "Gee, I wonder why that is, hmm?"

"When Saddam president, you and family all dead!" Hussein replied.

Despite his rough rhetoric during the debate, Hussein attempted to cast himself in a softer light during his closing statement.

"American infidel people, think Saddam as Uncle Saddam, with wise uncle advice, yes?" Saddam crooned. "Do not be like Kucinich. Kucinich is dead man. Vote Uncle Saddam, yes? Good."

While Hussein's numbers have plummeted since the Defense Department released the news of his capture on Sunday morning, he still remains well ahead of Kucinich and within striking distance of the Rev. Al Sharpton.

"Saddam's in very interesting position right now," said Dean Stranel, a campaign strategist for Michael Dukakis during his bid for the presidency. "I could see him turning over his supporters and influence in exchange for the No. 2 seat at the White House."

"Then again, I could see him shooting anyone who's numbers are better than his," Stranel added.

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