Monday, Dec. 15,
2:04 AM PST
Saddam's Capture May Derail Quest for
the White House
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Beltway insiders are speculating that Saddam Hussein's
chances of winning the Democratic nomination for president are
greatly diminished now that he's in the custody of U.S. forces
"Is political prisoner! Bush make Saddam political
prisoner, yes! Bush know once Saddam elected president, Bush
dead man!" an unkempt Hussein babbled as he was placed in
shackles by U.S. soldiers.
"Remember Uncle Saddam when polls
open next year! Death to Bush!" Hussein added hastily before
a soldier shoved him into a Humvee.
Hussein -- who has campaigned for the nomination
along with nine other Democratic hopefuls for several months
-- wasn't a favorite in anyone's book, partly because he ran
on issues already well covered by better known candidates.
"Against war with Iraq!" Hussein
declared last week during a debate in Durham, NH.
"Unjustified war! Illegal war! When
president, Saddam withdraw infidel American forces from sovereign
nation of Iraq! Return power to rightful ruler!"
"Wooo, you're against the war, Saddam?"
teased would-be nominee Dennis Kucinich, the only candidate in
the group who was behind Saddam in polling numbers. "Gee,
I wonder why that is, hmm?"
"When Saddam president, you and family
all dead!" Hussein replied.
Despite his rough rhetoric during the debate,
Hussein attempted to cast himself in a softer light during his
"American infidel people, think Saddam
as Uncle Saddam, with wise uncle advice, yes?" Saddam crooned.
"Do not be like Kucinich. Kucinich is
dead man. Vote Uncle Saddam, yes? Good."
While Hussein's numbers have plummeted
since the Defense Department released the news of his capture
on Sunday morning, he still remains well ahead of Kucinich and
within striking distance of the Rev. Al Sharpton.
"Saddam's in very interesting position
right now," said Dean Stranel, a campaign strategist for
Michael Dukakis during his bid for the presidency. "I could
see him turning over his supporters and influence in exchange
for the No. 2 seat at the White House."
"Then again, I could see him shooting
anyone who's numbers are better than his," Stranel added.
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