Monday, Dec. 15, 8:27 PM PST

Shark Loses Tooth on Surfer's Arm

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

OFF THE COAST OF SANTA BARBARA, CALIF. -- A painful encounter with a surfer yesterday has sent ripples of fear through this closely knit community of great white sharks, which has suffered many such assaults in recent years.

But no one expected that Sharky -- a popular great white with a once-bright future -- would be the humans' latest victim, losing an entire tooth to the surfer.

"I wath justh, you know, doing my thing when I thee what I thought wath a theal thwimming above me, jutht begging to be conthumed," Sharky said, struggling courageously to speak through his broken tooth.

But instead of a seal, Sharky found himself the victim of a surfing human girl. Sharky took a bite of what he took for the seal's flipper, only to find an incisor punched out of his mouth by a bone in the girl's arm.

"It thtill really hurtth," Sharky moaned. "But at leatht I got me a thnack out of it."

"We should not be tolerating these aggressive human beings who encroach on our territory disguised as seals!" declared Chompers, leader of the school of Great Whites, during an emergency session of the Shark Council to address the issue.

"Just because we have four rows of teeth, for a total of 3000 -- all of which are replaced with new ones as the old ones wear out, by the way -- that doesn't mean what the monkey-paddlers are doing to us is right," Chompers added before putting forth a motion to formally enact a feeding frenzy against the humans.

"Remember Sharky!" called out many sharks in response to the motion.

However, cooler heads prevailed when Killer, minority leader of the opposition party, reminded every one about what happened to Jaws.

"He weren't doing nothing none of us wouldn'ta done," Killer said, "except he went and freaked out on the humans, and they wasted him bad. Do you really want to be killed so bad they make a movie out of you?"

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