Monday, Dec. 15,
8:27 PM PST
Shark Loses Tooth on Surfer's Arm
OFF THE COAST OF SANTA BARBARA, CALIF.
-- A painful encounter with a surfer
yesterday has sent ripples of fear through this closely knit
community of great white sharks, which has suffered many such
assaults in recent years.
no one expected that Sharky -- a popular great white with a once-bright
future -- would be the humans' latest victim, losing an entire
tooth to the surfer.
"I wath justh, you know, doing my
thing when I thee what I thought wath a theal thwimming above
me, jutht begging to be conthumed," Sharky said, struggling
courageously to speak through his broken tooth.
But instead of a seal, Sharky found himself
the victim of a surfing human girl. Sharky took a bite of what
he took for the seal's flipper, only to find an incisor punched
out of his mouth by a bone in the girl's arm.
"It thtill really hurtth," Sharky
moaned. "But at leatht I got me a thnack out of it."
"We should not be tolerating these aggressive human beings
who encroach on our territory disguised as seals!" declared
Chompers, leader of the school of Great Whites, during an emergency
session of the Shark Council to address the issue.
"Just because we have four rows of
teeth, for a total of 3000 -- all of which are replaced with
new ones as the old ones wear out, by the way -- that doesn't
mean what the monkey-paddlers are doing to us is right,"
Chompers added before putting forth a motion to formally enact
a feeding frenzy against the humans.
"Remember Sharky!" called out
many sharks in response to the motion.
However, cooler heads prevailed when Killer,
minority leader of the opposition party, reminded every one about
what happened to Jaws.
"He weren't doing nothing none of
us wouldn'ta done," Killer said, "except he went and
freaked out on the humans, and they wasted him bad. Do you really
want to be killed so bad they make a movie out of you?"
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