Christians, Sadomasochists Coming Together
With a Passion
by Brent
the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire
WICHITA, Kan. -- Mel Gibson may have had other goals
when he created The Passion of the Christ, but perhaps he doesn't
mind that his film is helping forge common ground between Christians
and sadomasochists.
"This is the kind of porn
both of us can relate to," said Kimberly Smythe of Wichita.
Smythe is a "hardcore Baptist," while her boyfriend
Granular Cortex is of the S&M persuasion.
"We
used to be, like, friends up through the sixth grade, but Steven
-- I mean, Granular -- became fascinated with playing Iron Maiden
albums backward, and as a Christian, I thought I couldn't abide
that," Smythe explained.
The pair ran into each other
on the opening night of the blockbuster, and were forced to sit
together because of the crowd. "If it wasn't for Gibson's
treatise, we wouldn't even be talking right now," Cortex
said.
As the movie progressed, Cortex
noticed that Smythe seemed "excited" as Roman soldiers
slapped, beat and flayed Jesus for over 12 minutes, audibly sighing
when bloody gobbets of flesh flew through the air.
"It weren't no 'oh no no'
gasp, neither," Cortex said. "It was more like 'yeah,
cut it more, baby, yeah!', you know?"
Cortex and Smythe have seen the
movie every night since. The normally pretty Smythe now has several
thin cuts woven across her face and a bald spot on the left side
of her head, while Cortex's face is a mask of bruises.
"We really enjoy each other's
company now," Smythe affirmed. "Granular really knows
how to get the most out of my Christian sense of piety, guilt
and bloodlust. Who knew that such evil people could address my
every need?"
"I like the way she begs
for mercy," Cortex added. "It's hot."
Across the country, sadomasochists
and Christians have found that they have much in common.
"I like blood," said
William Hadergrau, a docent at his Catholic church, as well as
the owner of Mass-o-Christ's, an S&M club in Oklahoma City.
"I like blood, rent flesh,
tortured screams, mutilated bodies, babies cooking over open
fires on spits. The Passion of the Christ is pornography for
both the Christian and the sexually-depraved beast within me
-- it helped me get past whatever guilt I may have felt, because
I now know that Jesus was totally into it."
"You ignorant unbelievers
like pee-pees and boobies and that's what sells you," Hadergrau
added. "But if you want my money, you gotta give me some
Jesus-getting-filleted action."
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