Tuesday, Jan. 17, 7:45 PM PST

Star Jones Gets Engaged, Eats Fiancé

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

LOS ANGELES-- Big lady Star Jones expressed surprise at Sunday's NBA All-Star Game when her desperate-to-milk-the-TV-diva-for-all-she's-worth boyfriend Al Reynolds asked her to marry him.

Yet the largest host of The View soon provided the biggest shock of the night, consuming her new fiancé within minutes of being engaged.

Jones and Reynolds, a banker, had only dated each other for four months.

Everyone in the world has concluded that, despite his title of "banker," Reynolds wasn't all that happy being a teller at Bank of America, and leapt at the chance of living the high life as Jones' boytoy.

According to witnesses, Jones accepted Reynolds proposal, hugged him tightly, sniffed his forehead, fit his skull into her mouth, then struggled with primordial passion as the thrashing victim fought for his life while disappearing inch by inch into her massive, unhinged maw.

"I told her to stop, but Star just kept grunting and drooling," said movie star Denzel Washington, who sat near the couple. "Doubt she could hear me through his muffled-but-still-loud shrieks of horror, anyway."

Reynolds managed to take his fight for survival out into mid-court, interrupting the game for nearly three minutes. But inevitably, his body was crushed to a twitching, gelatinous pulp which Jones methodically stuffed into her ample stomach.

Jones' fiancé is not the first boyfriend to disappear into her mighty gullet, but never had the one-time lawyer eaten a beau in front of television-viewing audience.

Soon after the meal, Jones began defending her actions.

"I love to eat! I love -- erf, loved -- Al like I love a whole mess of chicken-fried steaks, deep-fried turkeys and refried French fries, followed by a couple Chicago-style cheesecakes topped with real whipped cream and rich... rich fudge... mmmm, fuuudddggge..." a tearful Jones declared moments later.

"I think I might have an eating problem," Jones added.

-- Tucker H. Johnson contributed to this report.

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