Tuesday, September 22, 4:09 PM PST

Bush to UN: "Gimme Your Money Cuz Y'all Just Stupid"

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

UNITED NATIONS -- In a 22-minute speech to member nations of the UN, George W. Bush announced that "y'all dumb fucks, so just gimme your money."

"Cuz, er... we're smarter than, uh... you," Bush continued.

The speech was meant to convince the rest of the world to provide money for the continued U.S. occupation of Iraq.

In exchange, the rest of the world would get nothing -- a situation that had caused consternation among some of the White House staff.

"They was all, 'But what are them UN members gonna get outta the deal?' and I was all, 'Damn people, they justa buncha stupid sonavabitches," Bush explained, meeting with quiet applause.

Bush went on to decry just how stupid France, Germany, Russia and most nations of the world who didn't support the U.S. invasion of Iraq last March were and continue to be.

"Man, y'all sooo dumb, it's really unbeliebacable," Bush said. "Man, y'all didn't want to invadicate Iraq but we did anyway cuz y'all's too stupid to know how good it was for you."

Bush went on to declare the U.S. as "the good guys" and everyone else as "a buncha damned alien dummies."

Attendees to Bush's address were impressed with the strength of Bush's presentation, as well as with the complimentary copy of "Dealing With American Hegemony for Dummies" that each nation received.

Once Bush had explained how moronic the United Nations' membership in general was, he focused on the particulars.

"France, what can I say about them 'cept that they a buncha cheese-eating surrender monkeys," Bush said. "Man, I can't believe ya didn't roll over when we tolds you to fall in line. Just shows what brilliantitians y'all is, I guess."

Bush continued by describing Germany as a "buncha stupids AND whiners, my friends" and Russia as "big-time el stupidos, mi amigos."

The Leader of the Free World spent most of his speech pointing out the mental deficiencies of other nations that were not part of the so-called Coalition of the Willing, ranging from "Adiotic Algeria" to "Zippy the Zimbabwe-Head."

However, Bush did surprise the United Nations by providing a concession to France, should it help provide the U.S. with the international funds it needs to maintain power in Iraq.

"Look, don't get me wrong cuz y'all are traitors to America, but if'n y'all get us the $87 billion -- in Murican money, that is -- I'll make sure them pusses in the House change 'Freedom fries' back to 'French fries,' you betcha," Bush declared.

Representatives Bill Ney (R-Ohio) and Walter Jones (R-N.C.), who were responsible for renaming the fried-potato snack in the House cafeteria, refused to comment for this story. France, however, had plenty to say.

"I think ze president, with his willingness to now make ze concessions, he make his case," said an enthusiastic Jean-David Levitte, the French ambassador to the U.N.

"Plus, once we reads zis cool new book, it iz my opinion zat ze French will want to give ze Etats Unis all ze money zey need, non?"

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