Wednesday, October
15, 6:54 PM PST
Bush Vetoes Viagra for Congress
by Brent
the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a move that stirred heartfelt, but ultimately
impotent, anger among members of the Legislature, George W. Bush
vetoed Congress' pet project, the Congressional Viagra Appropriation
Bill.
The bill would have provided every congressman
with a lifetime supply of the anti-emasculation drug. Conservative
estimates placed the total cost at about $200 million.
"It's
not f-fair!" cried Congressman Tom Allen (D-Maine) after
the veto. "The execu-executive branch is supposed t-to carry
out the Legislature's laws!"
"B-but Bush keeps bossin' us around!"
he added.
Allen then burst into tears, and continued
to weep quietly as a staffer held and comforted him.
Bush expressed no regrets about blocking
Congress' quest for the man-making drug.
"If them sissies in Congress wanna
be men, they should drink a good stiff cup of Folgers Special
Roast every morning," Bush declared.
"That'll put some hair on them ladies'
chests," he added.
The veto marks yet another defeat for Congress
at the hands of the Bush Administration, which has again and
again thwarted the law-making body at every turn, from minor
requests to review the names of White House energy advisors,
to trumping Congress's war-making powers when invading Iraq.
According to the bill's proponents, Congressional
Viagra would "level the playing field" between them
and the White House, which has recently "had some serious
balls while chopping off ours," according to Senator George
Allen (R-Virginia).
"I just want to feel like a man again,"
Allen continued, whispering softly, like a girl.
"Yes, please, help George be a man
again," pleaded the senator's wife, Susan, desperately.
"PLEASE!"
House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas),
who is suspected of sharing a private stash of Viagra with a
few key Republican congressmen, was one of the few members of
the House to applaud Bush's veto.
"Damn buncha faggot boys in Congress
just wanna pump each other up the wazoo, I'll tell you what,"
DeLay declared. "Ain't no call to spend taxpayers' money
to support hoMOsexuAlitee, I'll tell you what."
DeLay also promised that, should Congress
attempted to override the president's veto, he'd personally geld
the treasonous bastards.
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