Thursday, September 4, 3:59 PM PST

Iraqis Declare "Democracy Best!" After Watching MTV Video Awards

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

BAGHDAD, IRAQ -- After years of cultural isolation, Iraqis experienced another historic moment with their first official viewing of the MTV Music Video Awards.

The effects were immediate: Thousands of Iraqis who had expressed reservations regarding America's invasion and occupation of their country now embrace the United States as a model for their political and cultural future.

"USA, USA!" chanted Iraqis upon seeing superstars Madonna and Britney Spears making out during a performance on the award show.

"Who needs to be fed honey cakes by 67 virgins in heaven when you can watch Madonna and Britney slather one another's tongue with spittle?" wondered a wide-eyed Ali Khalimad, a one-time banker who now sells ammunition on the streets.

"Democracy the best! I can't wait for the day when I can vote for my favorite music videos," Khalimad added. "Beyonce, she is hot in my house, I tell you straight up, homey!"

U.S. Authorities, MTV Happy
"This is a great day for democracy in Iraq," said Paul Bremmer, head of the Coalition Provisional Authority that currently rules Iraq.

"The sooner we can sate the public's lust for sex on TV, the faster they'll fall in line, and we think you'll be a key partner in that endeavor," Bremmer concluded. He didn't seem to notice the microphone was still on as he addressed Byron Grimaldi, the vice-president of MTV Asia.

Grimaldi is proud to have served Iraqis a dollop of cutting-edge American culture.

"Everyone -- even Muslamics -- deserves a chance to see superstar chicks get it on with each other, yo," Grimaldi said.

"It was a challenge dubbing the show into Arabic and Kurdish, but with MTV Middle East due out next summer, we think the effort's well worth it, my bitches and dawgs."

Grimaldi would neither confirm or deny a rumored MTV Movie production featuring Spears and Madonna in a sexy super-spy flick, tentatively entitled "Into the Groove."

Can The Good Feelings Last?
However, the pro-America feelings were almost derailed when Madonna slapped tongues with pop-star Christina Aguilera, earning a collective "UGH" from the Iraqi masses.

"Aguilera, she a skank-ass ho," Khalimad proclaimed.

"And you see her when she was fat? Allah alive, talk about a camel face."

Aguilera would not return calls for comment.


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