Tuesday, September 16, 12:00 PM PST

Teens Sick of Jesus Christ Asking "WWJD?"

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

SEWARD, NEB. -- It's not quite the Second Coming, but sometimes it feels like the end of the world to local teenagers since Jesus Christ came to town.

Apparently, Jesus has embraced the latest Christian teen fad of asking "What would Jesus do?" -- often expressed as "WWJD?" -- on sweatshirts, jewelry, jackets and other teen accessories throughout the Midwest.

But it appears that teens don't really want Jesus to be telling them what He would actually do.

"I thought Jesus was gonna be, I dunno... cooler than that," said Brian Metzenger, 16 and a sophomore at Seward High.

"Like one day, we was hanging out in The Blue Moose parking lot when I spit some chew on the ground, and Jesus was all, 'Brian, what would I do if I had a mouthful of chew and had to expell the excess liquid?' and I was like, 'I dunno, spit it in a cup?' and He was like, 'No, Brian. I wouldn't even have a mouthful of chew in the first place."

"Then He just gave me this weird stare," Metzenger said.

Later that night, as Metzenger drove them home, Jesus wondered aloud if Metzenger thought He would break the speed limit by more than five mph. Metzenger didn't answer, but has since stopped wearing his WWJD sweatshirt and necklace, and has scrubbed a WWJD bumpersticker off his truck.

Other Teens Doubt Jesus
Brian's 14-year-old sister Bethany -- who loves Christ with all her being -- has tried to look past Jesus' lack of social grace and His constant lecturing, but even she has found Him to be unbearable at times.

"When we went to the mall in Lincoln -- gosh!" Bethany exclaimed. "I'd try on a camisole and ask Him what He thought, and He'd, you know... stare. Then He'd be all, 'What do I think, Bethany? I think I'd never put on a camisole in the first place. What will you do, Bethany?'

"I mean, it's totally cool that He died for our sins and stuff like that," she added. "But I don't need Jesus to make me feel stupid, you know? It's hard enough not to murder my family in their sleep without Him making me feel like a hooker."

Still More Doubts
It isn't only Jesus' insistence on considering what He'd do that's leading Seward's teens to have second thoughts regarding their love for Him.

"He totally looks like a terrorist!" Patricia Johnson, 15, said in regards to Jesus racial background.

"I used to wonder if Jesus had blue eyes or green, and just knew He was blond," Johnson continued. "Now I'm wondering when He's gonna hijack a cropduster and slam it into one of the water towers!"

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