16, 12:00 PM PST
Teens Sick of Jesus Christ Asking "WWJD?"
SEWARD, NEB. -- It's
not quite the Second Coming, but sometimes it feels like the
end of the world to local teenagers since Jesus Christ came to
Apparently, Jesus has embraced the latest Christian
teen fad of asking "What would Jesus do?" -- often
expressed as "WWJD?" -- on sweatshirts, jewelry, jackets
and other teen accessories throughout the Midwest.
But it appears that teens don't really
want Jesus to be telling them what He would actually do.
"I thought Jesus was gonna be, I dunno...
cooler than that," said Brian Metzenger, 16 and a
sophomore at Seward High.
"Like one day, we was hanging out
in The Blue Moose parking lot when I spit some chew on the ground,
and Jesus was all, 'Brian, what would I do if I had a
mouthful of chew and had to expell the excess liquid?' and I
was like, 'I dunno, spit it in a cup?' and He was like, 'No,
Brian. I wouldn't even have a mouthful of chew in the first place."
"Then He just gave me this weird stare,"
Later that night, as Metzenger drove them
home, Jesus wondered aloud if Metzenger thought He would break
the speed limit by more than five mph. Metzenger didn't answer,
but has since stopped wearing his WWJD sweatshirt and necklace,
and has scrubbed a WWJD bumpersticker off his truck.
Other Teens Doubt Jesus
Brian's 14-year-old sister Bethany -- who loves Christ with all
her being -- has tried to look past Jesus' lack of social grace
and His constant lecturing, but even she has found Him to be
unbearable at times.
"When we went to the mall in Lincoln
-- gosh!" Bethany exclaimed. "I'd try on a camisole
and ask Him what He thought, and He'd, you know... stare.
Then He'd be all, 'What do I think, Bethany? I think
I'd never put on a camisole in the first place. What will you
"I mean, it's totally cool that He
died for our sins and stuff like that," she added. "But
I don't need Jesus to make me feel stupid, you know? It's hard
enough not to murder my family in their sleep without Him making
me feel like a hooker."
Still More Doubts
It isn't only Jesus' insistence on considering what He'd do that's
leading Seward's teens to have second thoughts regarding their
love for Him.
"He totally looks like a terrorist!"
Patricia Johnson, 15, said in regards to Jesus racial background.
"I used to wonder if Jesus had blue
eyes or green, and just knew He was blond," Johnson continued.
"Now I'm wondering when He's gonna hijack a cropduster and
slam it into one of the water towers!"
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