Thursday, Feb. 5, 12:12 AM PST

Jesus Would Fire Someone at MTV, not CBS

by Brent the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN DES MOINES & INDIANAPOLIS -- Jesus revealed His opinion today regarding the controversy surrounding Janet Jackson's exposed breast during the half-time show of the Super Bowl, much to the dismay of trucker Adam Goldstein.

"It's pretty obvious where the fault lies," Jesus reportedly said.

"MTV knew all about it, no doubt. I don't blame CBS, not their fault. I would fire someone at MTV, definitely. I'm like, 'Hey, MTV -- set a precedent, fire that guy in production who's always saying, "push the boundaries, push the boundaries!"' Those blasphemers are sooo profane -- did you see that time when Britney and Madonna kissed? That was all them, all MTV."

Jesus also indicated that He didn't think anyone at MTV would actually take His advice.

"I, the Christ, can tell you with complete and utter certainty that no employee of MTV is wearing a WWJD sweatshirt right now," Jesus said, sighing.

The Savior of Man then revealed that many "top guys" at CBS had already prayed for forgiveness for their part in the Super Bowl Booby Incident, and that He had decided to pardon their offenses.

"God-fearing people there at CBS -- plus, they do that Joan of Arcadia show," Jesus said. "That's my fave program right now. Wish someone would bring back Touched by an Angel, though. Roma Downey ruled, and was quite the looker, too. Say, do you like that show? That show ruled. It's my all-time fave."

"He went on like that for hours," Goldstein later complained at a truck stop. "Couldn't stop talking about it. I wish I never gave him a lift, but he looked so sad and cold and abandoned out there on I-74... I dunno."

"Hey, thanks for picking me up!" Jesus said when Goldstein picked him up.

"I was hitching a ride from a couple of college kids, but then one of 'em cursed -- said the D word, that is -- and I knew I had to get out of that situation. Didn't know it was so cold out here, though. Hey buddy, you're a life-saver! Say... you're not Jewish, are you?"

When told that Goldstein was indeed Jewish, Jesus apparently flinched, mumbled, "Well, I used to be, too, I guess," then settled into an uncomfortable silence that lasted 15 minutes.

"How about that Super Bowl?" Jesus asked, perhaps to break the tension. "Patriots rule. Say, whatcha think about that Janet Jackson's sacrilegious exposure of her breast? Crazy, huh? When I throw my house party later on, she's definitely not invited."

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