Thursday, Feb.
5, 12:12 AM PST
Jesus Would Fire Someone at MTV, not CBS
by Brent
the Johnson,
NA!P NewsWire
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN DES MOINES
& INDIANAPOLIS --
Jesus revealed His opinion today regarding the controversy surrounding
Janet Jackson's exposed breast during the half-time show of the
Super Bowl, much to the dismay of trucker Adam Goldstein.
"It's
pretty obvious where the fault lies," Jesus reportedly said.
"MTV knew all about it,
no doubt. I don't blame CBS, not their fault. I would fire someone
at MTV, definitely. I'm like, 'Hey, MTV -- set a precedent, fire
that guy in production who's always saying, "push the boundaries,
push the boundaries!"' Those blasphemers are sooo
profane -- did you see that time when Britney and Madonna kissed?
That was all them, all MTV."
Jesus also indicated that He
didn't think anyone at MTV would actually take His advice.
"I, the Christ, can tell
you with complete and utter certainty that no employee of MTV
is wearing a WWJD sweatshirt right now," Jesus said, sighing.
The Savior of Man then revealed
that many "top guys" at CBS had already prayed for
forgiveness for their part in the Super Bowl Booby Incident,
and that He had decided to pardon their offenses.
"God-fearing people there
at CBS -- plus, they do that Joan of Arcadia show," Jesus
said. "That's my fave program right now. Wish someone would
bring back Touched by an Angel, though. Roma Downey ruled, and
was quite the looker, too. Say, do you like that show? That show
ruled. It's my all-time fave."
"He went on like that for
hours," Goldstein later complained at a truck stop. "Couldn't
stop talking about it. I wish I never gave him a lift, but he
looked so sad and cold and abandoned out there on I-74... I dunno."
"Hey, thanks for picking
me up!" Jesus said when Goldstein picked him up.
"I was hitching a ride from
a couple of college kids, but then one of 'em cursed -- said
the D word, that is -- and I knew I had to get out of that situation.
Didn't know it was so cold out here, though. Hey buddy, you're
a life-saver! Say... you're not Jewish, are you?"
When told that Goldstein was
indeed Jewish, Jesus apparently flinched, mumbled, "Well,
I used to be, too, I guess," then settled into an uncomfortable
silence that lasted 15 minutes.
"How about that Super Bowl?"
Jesus asked, perhaps to break the tension. "Patriots rule.
Say, whatcha think about that Janet Jackson's sacrilegious exposure
of her breast? Crazy, huh? When I throw my house party later
on, she's definitely not invited."
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