You have to be a sick fuck to click this banner. Let's pretend
I'm one of those losers who like old bags -- why does this site
think I'd want to watch grandma suck schlong? The
thing that really creeps me out about old-lady porn (other than
the fact that it's old lady porn) is that old ladies often
look like old men, or at least, men in really bad drag. That,
and the fact that old ladies have breasts that touch their vaginas. This banner fails,
This is the kind of banner that inspires me to be vegan. Probably
because I ain't gay, but even if I were, I'm not sure I'd want
to check out a site in which men look like they're going to puke
just before chomping cock. Plus, that thing looks dinky, and
I'd want some meat with my man sandwich! If I were gay. FAILURE!
Dirty teenagers... right... see, when I think "cheerleaders,"
think old scags, ugly
whores or retards (that girl on the right just might be saying
"DER!"). Gimme young, hot cheerleaders who don't have
mongoloid eyes, damn it! F for fuckwad banner designer.
It's math, stupid: "big booty" plus "ebony fantasy"
simply must equal African porn. Even though this ass may just
well be a well-tanned cracker with a big ham butt. Put "Cracker
Anal Adventures" as the name and it's all the same. Now
if this ass were black, there might be something nice
to say. As it is, this
is so non-compelling I almost didn't click it.
I've always enjoyed the instant gratification of clicking on
banners that promise fucking upon entering. Because I know, when
I click, a general alert awakens people sleeping at their stations,
a director screams "Action!" and a whore gets pounded
by some anonymous-looking guy you'd never recognize even if he
were your best friend (wait, is that Ken??). Oh, and if you're
going to lie about that "hot mistress," don't put an
ugly chick on your banner. It's that simple. You lose.