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You have to be a sick fuck to click this banner. Let's pretend I'm one of those losers who like old bags -- why does this site think I'd want to watch grandma suck schlong? The thing that really creeps me out about old-lady porn (other than the fact that it's old lady porn) is that old ladies often look like old men, or at least, men in really bad drag. That, and the fact that old ladies have breasts that touch their vaginas.
This banner fails, miserably.

 


This is the kind of banner that inspires me to be vegan. Probably because I ain't gay, but even if I were, I'm not sure I'd want to check out a site in which men look like they're going to puke just before chomping cock. Plus, that thing looks dinky, and I'd want some meat with my man sandwich! If I were gay.
FAILURE!

 


Dirty teenagers... right... see, when I think "cheerleaders," I
don't think old scags, ugly whores or retards (that girl on the right just might be saying "DER!"). Gimme young, hot cheerleaders who don't have mongoloid eyes, damn it! F for fuckwad banner designer.

 


It's math, stupid: "big booty" plus "ebony fantasy" simply must equal African porn. Even though this ass may just well be a well-tanned cracker with a big ham butt. Put "Cracker Anal Adventures" as the name and it's all the same. Now if this ass were black, there might be something nice to say. As it is,
this is so non-compelling I almost didn't click it.


I've always enjoyed the instant gratification of clicking on banners that promise fucking upon entering. Because I know, when I click, a general alert awakens people sleeping at their stations, a director screams "Action!" and a whore gets pounded by some anonymous-looking guy you'd never recognize even if he were your best friend (wait, is that Ken??). Oh, and if you're going to lie about that "hot mistress," don't put an ugly chick on your banner. It's that simple.
You lose.

Reviewed by UPRIGHT

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