"And Dungeons!" Sweet. The
Asian chick (probably Filipino) is cute and sexily attired. But
in order for my pointer to even hover over a banner, I expect
a little something in return -- and this banner doesn't have
any titty. That's a no-go. I hesitate... am I going to click
this? Is that chick wearing a wig? And
for all that rope, how come the flesh isn't squeezing out? Why
aren't her arms and wrists pinned? What kind of rip-off
site awaits me? Real close, but not a clicker.
Hardcore toon action? Fuck, I can draw half a toon face with
most of one tit all by myself -- I want to see some phleg-coated
tentacles with barbs being rammed up some Sailor Slut's ass!
And what's so "exclusive" about this shot? Again,
it's just some bitch who "might" be taking a space
alien's cock of 15,000 tentacles from the rear, but she might
be popping a cyst on her ass, too. Who the fuck knows? I
never click on links because I'm curious -- I click on them because
I'm excited to see shuddering naked cartoon chicks.
Okay, I'm not gay. I know gay guys, and I hang out
with gay guys, but I don't talk "stink finger," or
"stuff the monkey" with them, any more than I discuss
which brand of personal lubricant makes for the best jack-off
session with other porn afficianados -- I just don't want to
know, dig? So I find it difficult to EVEN FUCKING RELATE to this
banner. However, from a purely objective, critical standpoint,
let me say this:
If I were
gay, and wanted to see dicks, cocks, twirling man-on-man tongue-wrestling,
this banner still wouldn't scream, "Click me!" For
one, you've only got the tips of two gross-looking dudes touching
tongues. Then, the only other "titillating"
shot is of a "commanding officer" taking control of
the "vanguard position," but could also very well be...
a butt-fucking scene. Anyway, a banner is both an advertisement,
and a sampling of the wares: The wares here suck, quite simply
because there's no fucking sucking. (Editor: HUH?)
Um... OK, I'm a fairly young male. I've had sex, and I look
forward to having more. I have no children, but I've had a few
scares. So the sight of a pregnant chick, babe or not, is NEVER
NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER A FUCKING TURN-ON. The sight of
this woman shrivels my dick up like a cellophane candy wrapper
on a hot griddle. On top of my perfectly normal aversion to the
site of pregant women, this one is fucking ugly. And, if you
want me to click your motherfucking banner, have your chick act
with a little class -- nobody gives me the finger and then gets
a click-thru, bitch!
We've almost got something going on here, but again, we've got
a banner with a total of four images going in the animated GIF,
and all I, the viewer, get out of it is some pixellated titties,
and something that might be a crotchshot. I need more,
frankly. There are sites out there with animated shots of
chicks pissing, shot from inside the toilet bowl! And
you give me sideshots of some chick who might be in a bath tub?
Give me a break.