EL TEJANO SEZ: "Yeeeee Haw!! Let's take a gander at these here Porn Banners!"

 

First up -- well, the ad reads "Extra Large Nipples" but the great pics are just extra large boobs with rather large areola. Now, areola's a mighty fancy name for a cowpoke like me, but I don't see any large nipples! That's just steerin' folks wrong. But hell, I don't mind! Them tig'ol'biddies look like a good ol' time! And they're just like my ten-gallon hat -- and just as much fun to put on my head!

 

Lesse here, what we got for this second ad? I'm already tired after rubbin' one out from that last ad... whoa, is that a woman? Looks like someone forgot to take off the feedbag! Now, what in the hell is BBW? Big Bovine Woman? Sheesh. Speaking of bovines, I'll be right back . . .

 

Ah, that was fun. Had to put ol' Bessie on her knees, which she don't take too kindly to, but it gets her just the right height. So lesse here, what we gots next? Hrm, hungry girls tasting their own nipples? Okay. But wouldn't that make them thirsty, not hungry? Why's this site called Fat Pie? If the girls are so hungry they want to taste nipples, how'd they get fat? I remember once I stole a pie from Ol' Miss Johnson's winder-sill and took it out to the back forty. After I had my way with it, I ate some. It was great. Ol' Miss Johnson saw the whole thing, though. She said if I put my thingie in her special place, she'd leave me alone. So I stuck it in her mouth. I don't think this site would be as good as that.

 

Fat ass mamas! Here we go, oh wait, they mean large in the seatin' area. I reckoned this here site'd have naked ladies on donkeys. Well, my pa did say to find a woman with birthin' hips, but I don't want to think about birthin' when I'm one-handed typin' on this dang-ol' pornsite. Unless it's birthin' donkeys... be right back.

 

Well this here ad sure does suck. It's just words, and I ain't too good with words. Lesse here, too fast to read, something about something coming here, fat tit... OH MAH LAWD -- it's Fat Hot Mama! Now I do remember hearing about this show called The View with this here woman, but I did not know she partook in the adult entertainment. Now I sure do love "fatty tit" and I'm sure Cathy's got nice ones, but it's this enticement to see her eat coconuts whole. Now that reminds me of this one time at the state fair outside of Ft. Worth when a lonely carnie wanted to teach me about sword swallowing...