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2. Elves? Pshaw!

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Wednesday, July 24, 2002


Once Brennan was killed, I roled up a new character. Fortunately, due to my (then) pre-eminent position as Elflord of the Elves of the Greater St. Louis Metropolitan Region, I was able to roll up a War Dancer! I named him Brawhehe! He was sweet! But then I stopped playing so it really doesn't matter -- though I retain his character sheet. Just in case. I still miss Brennan "The Fist" Morningstar...

Hey, do you play MageKnight? I used to, but then I quit because the only people I played with were Elves and I hate Elves now. Nowadays, I play HeroClix, though I must say the people I play with are total nerds. All into comics and everything. It's embarassing.
posted by Larry Pressfield 4:18 PM

Wednesday, July 17, 2002

What do you mean roll up a new character? I thought Brennan was killed.

Or am I just forgetting you have an actual LARP character that I've mixed up with your paper and pencil character of Brennan the Fist?

I must state, also, a comment about Rentia and the 'Dwarven cleric'. Faith and healing for a dwarf? Ptah. Hopefully that Dwarven cleric was decked out in full plate swinging a Two-Handed Silver Hammer over its head, drunk and full of battle lust.
posted by Chris Davenport 7:22 PM

I'm not a DROW, sir. Just because I led a force of Drow Elf mercenaries doesn't mean I am a Drow. And even if I were interested in becoming a Drow, I'd I have to role up a whole new character and that was infeasible! Duh.

Don'tcha just love it when young punks hold forth and pretend to cusp all the RPG knowledge of the world in their oh-so-soft hands? "It is thanks to me and my friend that our party did not die." Oh really young buckling? Because no one's ever done that before!

Listen, "Rentia" (what sort of Elven name is that? Chh), your "youth and 'creative imagination'" may have emboldened you and set your heart afire with all the possibilities that now extend before you like the Fallen Leaf Trails of Lililanilindri's Ever-Autumn Hall, but take it from me, elfling:

One day, you'll find yourself the most experienced elven lorist amongst your friends. You'll lead them, entertain them, make them see imaginary worlds they'd never imagine otherwise. They'll turn to you and ask you, the Elflord of the Elves of the Greater St. Louis Metropolitan Region, for advice on what colors to wear at the Winter Snow Fair, how one develops one's characters beyond the warrior mentality, how to broach the topic of mating your male character with the female character who's played by a male... and you'll answer. And they'll heed your words and embrace your wisdom. And then you'll know, in those precious moments, fulfillment... And then, at the very height of your preeminence:

Your heart will be broken by those you seek to lead into roleplaying greatness.

That's your future lesson, You Who Acts With the Impertinence of a Young 200-Year-Old Elf.

Oh, and one more thing, "Rentia": You can't "show" you're not an "average one" if you simply tell us so -- send us stories of your exploits and let us judge you. After all, just stating that you saved your party once (and with the help of a *SNORT* "Dwarven Cleric," at that) means very little -- describe the event in detail, strippling!
posted by Larry Pressfield 4:32 PM

Monday, July 15, 2002

Yeah, what self-respecting Elf wouldn't have Dodge Blow for a skill? Sheesh. What morons. Better yet, they gave my character, the DWARF dodge blow! As if a slow moving tank would ever need the skill.

I can't believe you've become a Drow. It's shameful! Shameful I say!

Anyway, on with the new letters. The first one is my favorite cause it criticizes Larry. Har har har.

Subject: I saw your site

Excuse me, good Sir, but I was searching up sites on Elven history and
it brought up yours. It upsets me that you think all of us Elven RPers
act as that one did. I play a Half-Elf whenever I go to RP rooms in
AOL. I am an Elven Cleric when I go to my friends house to play Dungons
and Dragons, and it is thanks to me and my friend, a Dwarven Cleric,
that our party did not die. Also, my other friend, an Elven Ranger and a
Dwarf Warrior helped us to destroy many a strong foe. When I text RP,
I am a female elf/werewolf/dragon. My characters mother was elf, her
father was werewolf, a her friend, a dragon, merged her with a gold
dragon egg. And you say the only good Elf is a "Elf Chick", I do not find
this true. My character is 5'5 with silver eyes and brown hair, yet
she is a very good fighter. I have nothing against Dwarves, but I do not
like people who say all Elven RPGers suck just because of the actions
of one, obviously ignorant, RPGer. I have not been RPing long, mabey 7
months, but my youth and creative imagination have helped expand my
Knowledge in this one perticular area. I do not wish to start a war with
you, on the contrary, I wish to show you that, as a Elven RPer, I am
not your average one. Please send a reply ASAP, Thank you and have a
nice day.

(RPG Name)

The second letter:

I really love playing dwarf in Warhammer and Utopia. Have you ever
utopia? let me know

Um, okay! Never heard of Utopia, kid. And the last letter, from a very special person: ASSBEARD!


After reading you site, I have come to the conclusion you love dwarves.
that you have a twisted sense of humour.

The result is, you may be interested in visiting my site:

Which features news and articles about the dwarf known as Assbeard.

Take a gander.


Thanks for the kind letters! For once. Damn, three NICE letters in a row. It's fucking Armageddon, I tell ya.
posted by Chris Davenport 8:43 PM

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