Wednesday October 10, 5:24
NA!P Sues Networks Over Retaliation
NA!P New News NewsWire
SAN FRANCISCO -- Claiming that the "America
Strikes Back ®" slogan belongs to them, No Apologies!
Press (NA!P) formally filed a trademark infringement suit today
against the National Broadcasting Company (NBC), Cable News Network
(CNN) and Fox Entertainment Group.
NBC, CNN and Fox have continually
used the slogan to lead off nearly every newscast since Oct.
7, when the U.S. began carrying out retaliatory strikes against
"After the tragic events
of the 11th, we worked night and day to develop the perfect catch-all
phrases for our coverage of the terrorist attacks and the anticipated
ass-whuppin' we was gonna give them Taliban," said NA!P
Chairman Brent Johnson.
"We wanted to give our
audience the best war slogan, period. One that would shake
our loyal readers, just like 'Rock You Like a Hurricane' totally
caught The Scorpion's fan base off-guard, even though they already
knew The Scorpions rocked."
NA!P had earlier considered
filing similar suits against the major news networks for lifting
such slogans as "America Rising ®", "America
Under Attack ®" and "America on Alert ®,"
all of which NA!P representatives claim to have developed during
the first harrowing hours of the terrorist attacks.
The U.S. Trademark and Patent
Office did not return calls to confirm registration of these
CREATING A SLOGAN
"We knew that if we didn't come up with something original,
then the terrorists had already won, and we didn't want that
to happen," NA!P President Jeff Good said, recalling the
feverish pitch of NA!P board meetings the day of the attacks.
"We resolved to create
a patriotic two-to-three-word catchphrase around which a nation
in mourning could rally. To keep America interested in a good
Good had nothing but derision
for the slogans used by the other networks not named in the suit.
"Didja see what CBS and
ABC used? 'America Fights Back.' Like, der! Talk about
showing your belly to the beast. Those guys should just wave
the white flag and cry for mommy. At least those other networks
stole from the best."
What has hurt NA!P the most,
according to Good, is that a major case of white-collar crime
has taken place under the country's nose, and no one seems to
"When you think about
it, our Intellectual Property Tower was metaphorically slammed
by a Boeing. In a corporate sense. You don't see any memorials
for us, do you? Makes you think."
NA!P STRIKES BACK
"'America Strikes Back ® '... You know, we knew we had
something special with that one," NA!P CEO Ken Hughes said.
"There was like, this
energy, you know? Like we had just come upon a pot of gold, and
everything almost, almost made sense," Hughes continued.
"Then BAM! Second-rate
media jockeys come flying in and steal our line. Fucking shook
our world. The fuckers. Well, someone's gotta pay, and I'll tell
you what, it ain't gonna be us."
Hughes points out that this
is not the first time the major networks has raided NA!P's creative
"Remember NBC's 'Dreamed
Deferred' bits during the Olympics? Find some poor goatherder
Olympian, add some limp voiceovers about how in his village,
they count the years by four, all that shit?
"All us. We were totally
Hughes has a final warning
for networks who might decide to borrow liberally from NA!P's
"They best not steal our
'America: The Aftermath ®' or "America Afterward ®'
slogans, which we have lined up for when we're done kicking Taliban
ass. Cuz we'll go apeshit. Seriously."
Full Disclosure: As per THE NEW NEWS policy to "let
truth lead us," we hereby disclose that THE NEW NEWS is
an affiliate of No Apologies! Press. In no way has the
affiliation of THE NEW NEWS affected its coverage of No Apologies!