We are very proud and scared to publish a band review by the Last of the Cimerians...


Saturday, Feb. 10, 2001

Arnold Reviews ArnoCorps

(The Ultimate Review of the Ultimate Tribute Band by the Oak Himself!)


by Arnold Schwarzenneger,
star of movies that kick ass

After having incredible sex with my wife, Maria, I lit my stogie, hopped in my Hummer and was off to see my tribute band "ArnoCorps" play at Friday night's sold out show at Gilman St, in Berkeley, California.

Having no idea of what to expect, I no doubt arrived at the right place. My fans, let me tell you, if you ever want to celebrate in the name of ME, attend one of these shows! The exterior of the club was lined with my fans wearing Arnold T-shirts, masks, and best of all, half the crowd was speaking like me (only not as cool) for a good time. They were all waiting to get inside and once we did enter, the party atmosphere was even thicker. It reminded me of Halloween night as dozens of people cruised the room wearing T2, Predator, Mr. Freeze and other masks from my movies.

The time of socializing was over as soon as chopper blades were heard thumping over the PA system, the smoke machine kicked in, the lights dimmed, and the band members took the stage. The lead singer began with a statement in a familiar Austrian accent:

"I'm going to ask you a question, and I want it answered immediately. Are you ready... for ARNOCORPS?!"

The crowd erupted in enthusiastic cheers as their first song, "Predator," began. A stylistic mixture of heavy metal and aggressive punk rock music added power to the screaming vocals, which consisted of several of everyone's favorite lines from this classic action flick, starring me. By the end of the song, I was completely absorbed by the power of this truly unique band.

What incredible content!

"Predator" was immediately followed up with "Running Man" after a fan next to me screamed it out as a request. Obviously interested in pleasing fans, ArnoCorps promptly delivered. Each song that followed the last kept the high energy of the room alive as audience fists were pumping in the air and the band danced around like they were getting electric jolts in their spines.

Soon followed a super-fast tune entitled "Raw Deal" and a dramatic song called "True Lies." Never letting up the pace, ArnoCorps also delivered other original musical interpretations of "End of Days", and "Conan the Barbarian."

I knew the end was coming soon when the singer announced that the next song was "Terminator", which appropriately enough was to terminate their set. Another high-speed power punk song, the vocals consisted of all 16 lines that I delivered during that classic film. Ending with the line "Get out!", ArnoCorps dropped off the stage and left everyone cheering for more.

I had a brief encounter with Holzfeuer, the band's lead singer. He talked with an Austrian tongue but I did not care for his low forehead. Holzfeuer claimed to be pissed off at me saying my movies stoled from his band's lyrics. I think he might sue me but I'm too busy suing Premiere magazine's bullshit to concern myself with this Holzfucker.

All in all, the whole Arnold experience was a night I will never forget. It was as if a hundred of my fans got together and celebrated my birthday party or my existence. The people were crazy, yet fun and with ArnoCorps playing in my world, people are continuously reminded of why they go see the band... to pay tribute to me. Now excuse me, I'm late for my seconds of apple strudel and seconds of Maria. Hasta la Vista, dickwads!


"I Give Them Five Stogies!" -- Arnold



Links to Live By!

The Arnold Fan
Arnold Toons
Arnold's One-Liners
Arnold Prank Calls!

Send comments, weakling.

NA!P Presents | No Apologies! Press

Copyright © 2001, No Apologies! Press