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The Top 15 Wicked Film Critics' Descriptions of Diane Kruger, AKA "Helen of Troy"
There's othing like fat ugly women and desperately lonely men ripping on a the new hotness.
(Posted Wednesday, May 19, 2004)

ASTOUNDING SCI-FI TALES OF HORROR:
The Brainfest Club
The continuing adventures of zombies and teenagers and the news anchors who cover them so wily-like. It continues like a continuing continuation! Continuing!

BADASS BLUE MOON MAMA:
Gwen, the Ugly Dyke
Mama goes off on a group she knows... intimately... the Victimized Lesbians Association of America!
(Posted Thursday, August 28, 2003)

BADASS BLUE MOON MAMA:
Hey, Hardee's!
Introducing: A chick writer! Sweet, we haven't had one of those contributing to our site since, like, forever! Her first article relates a harrowing journey to the deep, dark South. It's very scary until she humanizes the inhabitants. Whatever!
(Posted Wednesday, June 18, 2003)

PERSONAL TRAGEDIES,
Part 3
If only these pervs hadn't so many pictures of their dicks. Oh, it's not all a schlong-fest -- sometimes it's just ridiculous examples of mangerms gone wrong...
(Posted Friday, October 25, 2002)

PERSONAL TRAGEDIES,
Part 2
Yeah. More of the same dong we got when placing a personal ad on the Internet...
(Posted Monday, June 6, 2002)

PERSONAL TRAGEDIES,
Part 1
Probably NA!P's grossest, sickest, most disturbing project to date, but let this be a warning to all the girls out there thinking about placing a personal ad on the Internet...
(Posted Monday, February 14, 2002)

KING MONGO GAME REVIEW:
Max Payne
by King Mongo, Professional Game Reviewer
King Mongo likes this game. Unless he doesn't. It's so frustrating reading his review of this third-person shooter!!!
(Posted Monday, November 12, 2001)

KING MONGO GAME REVIEW:
Black & White
by King Mongo, Professional Game Reviewer
King Mongo says this, King Mongo says that, but whatever he's saying, it's usually not about Black & White.
(Posted Sunday, August 26, 2001)

CRAZY ASIAN DRINKS:
The Third Batch
by Brent, Jeff & Drinkachu
Damn, but we're on fire. We get so saucy on ourselves that we even take on the giant megacorp, Coca-Cola! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA -- pant, pant -- HA HA HA! Read it now and spare your stomach!
(Posted Saturday, May 12, 2001)

GOAT SEX
by Darkle
Hark! What is that? Yes, mortal, it is the bellowing yawp of the new God of Insight (literally). Prepare yourself, little person, for the wit and wisdom of one who can communicate so much about ourselves as a species in the briefest of words.
(Posted Wednesday, March. 28, 2001)

CRAZY ASIAN DRINKS:
The Second Batch
by Brent, Jeff & Drinkachu
Three more fucked-up drinks, our Dark Nemesis, some hate mail, and BLARGH!.
(Posted Tuesday, Feb. 26, 2001)

WHAT IF ARKANSAS WERE ON SURVIVOR?
by Ken Hughes (AKA Doombunny)
Doombunny votes off all the states he hates! Hooray!
(Posted Tuesday, Feb. 20, 2001)

CHRIS DAVENPORT ROLEPLAY COMICS!
The Beginning...
by Jeff Good, from transcripts by Chris Davenport
Be scared. Be very scared. Over the course of four articles, Chris had managed to utterly destroy The Alliance of Lawful Race of Missouri. And now, perhaps, perhaps only he can reunite it in time to face Orc Clans and Chaos Warriors. Stick with us (please! We don't want to be alone!) as we delve into the imaginations of some of the saddest people you'll ever experience. Presented in easy-to-deal-with comic format.
(Posted Tuesday, Feb. 13, 2001)

ARNOLD REVIEWS ARNOCORPS
by Arnold Schwarzenegger
Tribute bands come and go, but you have to be something special to get Conan himself to cover a group devoted to his ass-kickin' movies -- ARNOCORPS! Read the words that nearly scared the shit out of me when I realized it was indeed Arnold himself who promised to punish me if I didn't publish his work!
(Posted Saturday, Feb. 10, 2001)

FOR SHAME, DWARFLOVER!
by "Duke Suetir Borlan of the Human Empire"
Jesus, roleplayers never give up, do they? It appears that Chris Davenport has singlehandedly destroyed the "balance of power" among the gaming comunities of Missouri. A human delivers Larry Pressfield's latest and last response, and has a proposition of his own. Read all about it, nerd!
(Posted Thursday, January. 22, 2001)

CRAZY ASIAN DRINKS:
The First Batch
by Brent, Jeff & Drinkachu
The latest continuing feature by NA!P, we've forgone humor and seek to save the world from the dastardly "drinks" that Asian companies have foisted upon the planet in the name of refreshment, but are actually designed to sicken and KILL.
(Posted Friday, Dec. 22, 2000)

PERHAPS I WAS MISTAKEN: GAMERS WHO PLAY ELVES SUCK
by Chris Davenport
Larry Pressfield demanded an apology from Davenport, and Davenport responds by tearing Pressfield a new asshole. Can you believe it? Someone demanding an apology from a regular at NO APOLOGIES! (it ain't just a name, folks -- SO SORRY). This is the reason why Davenport is our resident expert on roleplay issues, and Pressfield is not.
(Posted Tuesday, Nov. 21, 2000)

LET'S HIRE SOMEONE TO KICK EMINEM'S ASS!
by Chesuta
A moving, important work that should be read by any 14-year-old "bad ass" who wears his caps sideways, limps when he walks, and declares "Daaammmnnn... she a tight ride, yo" whenever a prebubescent girl happens to be around: Chester will put you in your place. Word up.
(Posted Saturday, Nov. 11, 2000)

RALPH NADER IS AN IDIOT
by Ken Hughes (AKA Doom Bunny)
In case you missed the mass invective nearly every liberal has spat at Nader and the Green Party, get your summary of it here. (Funny -- Perot taking 19 percent of the vote from Bush Senior didn't draw the ire of the masses like Nader's draw of three percent. Ah well, I hated Bush anyway.)
(Posted Saturday, Nov. 11, 2000)

THE ELVES OF ST. LOUIS RESPOND!
by Larry Pressfield
As High Elflord of the Greater St. Louis Metropolitan Region gaming club, Larry felt it was his responsibility to respond to Chris Davenport's "defamatory and inflamatory" opinion of the value of elves in the world of roleplay.
(Posted Sunday, October 29, 2000)

HOW TO SHOP AT A MUSIC/VIDEO STORE WITHOUT BEING A SHITFUCK
by Erin
Do you often come across the pure, tangible hate of music and video retailers? Chances are, you're a "shitfuck" -- one who never learned common sense and courtesy. Here's the easy-to-use guide to cure you of your problem, bastard.

E-ZLEGAL SUCKS!
by Ezlegalsucks
What happens when you write an email to a two-bit company, pointing out that the company is stealing the trademarks of their much more successful competitor? You get flamed by the office of the president, of course.

CONFESSIONS OF A DWARF LOVER
by Chris Davenport
Chris Davenport, Role-Play Master Extraordinaire, goes against the grain of most gamers and plays dwarf characters. (Bonus! Davenport compares roleplaying systems -- the good, the bad and the ugly.)

SPECIAL OLYMPICS SURVIVOR
by That Cavortin' Bastard
It's inevitable -- the success of CBS's "Survivor" will lead to spinoffs galore. Retards on a deserted island will probably be the most interesting.



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