Monday October 8, 13:30 PM
ET
OP/ED
Keeping America on the Internet
by the NA!P Editorial
Board, Per Curiam
On Tuesday September 11, 2001,
the United States faced a national tragedy. It was really sad
because we lost lots of potential advertisers. That was YOUR
fault. (Not to mention a lot of people got hurt, because that's
sad too.)
I will always remember where
I was when I heard the news; the same place I can always be found:
In my office, checking site stats. And the news, indeed, became
worse.
(Well, even more worse than
you know. I mean, when the towers collapsed, that was "worse"
for most people. But when I say "worse," I mean worse
than your "worse." You could even say, "worst.")
Traffic on No
Apologies! Press and its affiliate sites, NA!P
Presents,
Future
Retard,
That
Cavortin' Bastard Sez, Crazy
Asian Drinks, GHC, DwarfLover, Reading
Rainbow,
Quasi-Thinking
& Pseudo-Learning, Links, Updates, Banners, and also our No-Name
Newsletter fell precipitously. How much? Like, a lot.
Enough to discourage potential
advertisers!
You know, we get why you weren't
coming to the site. Sure, it's a tragedy. And perhaps you weren't
in the mood for really good third-rate shit. But still!
Someone once said, "Now
is the time that tests such and such" I forget but it said
something about "patriots." Well, nows the time to
send us cash, patriots.
Despite the tragedy, we keep
America rolling. I mean, keep America flying. No, wait, I mean
keep you on the Internet Superhighway -- some slogan like that,
but catchier. We haven't given up on you (even though most of
you are just sycophantic followers who refuse to spread the word
about NA!P because you're afraid we'll sell-out [which we would
if we could but that's neither here nor there] to some major
media player), so don't give up on us!
Visit the site! Read it! Recommend
it! And although we have no ads to click or stuff to buy, just
send us cash! A lot of it! And tell the people you send to the
site stuff like, "You know, there's this really GREAT site
you need to read but you should send 'em $50 before I tell you
about it."
We at NA!P are keeping you
on the Superhighway of the Internet. THE NEW NEWS, with its in-depth
and complete America Strikes Back® coverage, alone is worth,
like, $10 or something. That is our solemn pledge.
And here, I will make another
solemn pledge: If you, the readers of NA!P, send us $500,000,
we'll give some of it to charity. Because in this time of crisis,
we all need to chip in and stuff, because the terrorists, in
destroying our, like, symbol of capitalism, didn't destroy capitalism.
It's like when they burn the Stars & Stripes, right? So what!
We're still around, spending cash on the sites we like!
God Bless the American Way.
And spend money on us, because if you don't, you're practically
a terrorist! Booga booga! Ha ha, just kidding.
----------------------
Full Disclosure: As per THE NEW NEWS policy to "let
truth lead us," we hereby disclose that THE NEW NEWS is
an affiliate of No Apologies! Press. In no way has the
affiliation of THE NEW NEWS affected its coverage of No Apologies!
Press.
