Bob S. from Mountain View, CA asks: "I'm dating this hot chick who's totally gay on The Police. What can I say to impress my way into her pants?"

 

 
 

 

 

 
 
E-mail Professor I. Noah Better your questions at professor@noapologiespress.com. Professor Better will explain the mysteries of the universe, pop culture, sexual dysfunction, proper nutrition, Canadians, discrepancies in local soil samples and pretty much anything else which your curious but hardly functioning mind would like to inquire. He is a genius and any failure to understand his answers to your queries is solely the fault of your own limited scope of thought. All stupid questions welcome. Copyright 2001, No Apologies! Press.