Need to know if you can say 'Nigger'? Ask That Cavortin' Bastard!


Mitch says:
"Hey, Bastard! Can I say the N-word to my black girlfriend?"


That Bastard says:
 "Mitch, you dumb fucking bastard. You say it to a black woman you sleepin' wit' and you ain't gonna be sleepin' wit' her no more. And forget about masturbatin' when bot' hands is broken and you can't find your prick." 

 

 

 

 

 



Gretchen says:
"Mr. Bastard, is it okay if I name my cat Nigger?"



That Bastard says:
 "You mind if I stick my fuckin' size ten boot up your multicolored asshole?"

 

 

 

 

 

Boston says:
"Soccer!"

That Bastard says:
 "Yes, Boston, yes. Soccer is an even worse word."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Risa says:
"
What is...nigger? *giggle*"

That Bastard says:
 "Mmm. Well, honey. How 'bout you head on down my dark alley and I'll introduce ya ta that term an' a few others..."

 

 

 

 

 

 Dubya says:
"
I don't think we should ever call niggers the N-word. It just ain't right. Right, Bastard?"

That Bastard's Final Words:
 "Hey George! You're right! The only time white people should ever say nigger is when they're talking about how they should never be sayin' nigger. But you say 'the N-word' one more time and you've got a special invite to my dark alley."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Wednesday, March 7th, 2001

C-word e-word s-word n-word, y-word.

(Can't even say nigger, yo)

When I 'as a shortie, my moms'd knock hell outta me if I said a cuss word in fronna her. Actually, she'd wash my mout' out wit' soap and smack me upside the head for bein' stupid and disrespectful. One time, I gots up the nerve to ask her why she could cuss and I couldn't. 'Cause you jus' a dumb kid who don't know no better,' she tol' me. She was right, yo. I didn't know what half the shit came outta my mouth meant but I said it anyway. Cause it felt adult and bad ass to use a word I knew I weren't s'pose to.

Nowadays, my moms tells me to watch my language for other reasons. She know I swear like a mothafucka and she don't mind when I'm outta her house. It's appropriate hangin' wit' the crew, know 'ut I mean? But it ain't right to say 'I fucked that bitch hardcore' in fronna Grams. But I learned all that shit. Most people learn, for deyselves, what to say and what not to say accordin' to where yous is, who yous wit' and all that other shit. I can control my mouth. I know when sayin' mothafucka is status quo and when I's jus' tryin' ta be an asshole. And moms'll still smack me one 'cross the back 'a the head if I cuss in her house.

But Americans are all treatin' black people nowadays like moms treated me when I 'as jus' a little shortie. When my moms wanted to make reference ta the word fuck in fronna me, she'd say 'the f-word'. Or shit was 'the s-word'. So now, all of white America is runnin' around usin' the phrase 'the n-word' when they's speaking in public and know blacks might be listening. Cause theys either think we can't handle hearin' a white person use that word (as if the word alone were hateful itdelf) or theys want everyone to believe they've never said it. But I heard my moms say shit and fuck enought times to know that even though she referred to them as 'the f-word' and 'the s-word' around me, she still used the whole fuckin' word from time to time.

So now I'm thinkin', White America jus' think we blacks is a buncha shorties who can't handle hearin' this word. As if we gonna kill 'em if we jus' hear the word come outta theys lips. They think if they hear anudder white person use the word, that guy is a racist and uncompassionate (cause ya all know how we blacks jus' weep and wail when we hears that word, yo). They jump all over eve'yone and cry out about how they can't even bring demselves to say it and when theys hear it, they wanna cry.

You know what, America? We're all fuckin' adults (except for the childrens, yo, but they don't know shit from shinola 'til theys taught it). We know when we hear someone say nigger that the context is as important as the word. Like in this here essay. Don't mean nuttin' but a word. But when some politician 'accidentally' slips and replaces negro for nigger in a speech, that's fucked up. Now, I ain't gonna excuse no shithead for that because ya don't jus' accident'ly slip and say words ya don't normally use, but maybe our mass media culture has ingrained this strange fear inta the consciousness of America so's we all feel we needs ta be so super sensitive to the things we hear and say that eve'yone has that fuckin' word at the front 'a their minds and now theys even nervous about sayin' Negro even though every fuckin' black organization got that word in the title. But all that leads to is a fucked up America where's we's all watchin' each other like parents watchin' thems shorties at the playground.

Ya know, white people are ashamed this word exists cause theys all fucked up wit' bein' racist and believin' theys ain't. But believe me, they all are. Brothas an' sistas use the word nigger in both positive and negative ways cause it jus' a word, yo. We ain't gots ta feel guilty about havin' slaves every time we hear or say the word nigger. Whitey hear it or say it and he immediately lookin' over his shoulder 'a make sure no nigger done heard him. That's racist.

Yo, I hear all you white folks screamin' at me how ya ain't racist and shit. Y'all sayin' how your best friend is black and ya once sorta liked the first half 'a some rap song and ya laugh at Chris Rock's jokes an' shit. But, you can have black friends cause when ya get ta know 'em, ya forget they's black (and ya only know us from work or school cause ya ain't livin' in the type 'a neighborhood ta have black neighbors. Am I right?). They become an individual to ya. Y'all still scared of our race though. And ya still one 'a two types 'a white people. When ya pass a black person on the street, ya either A) avoid eye contact totally, or B) make as much eye contact as possible to prove ya ain't racist. But ya still feel weird and the whole time ya thinkin' 'bout actin' a certain way cause this person y'all passin' by is black. It's like starin' at a fuckin' retard. Ya never want to look too long but ya don't wanna be obviously not lookin'. 

Also, that rap song you almost liked was like American Chinese food. It was toned down for your tastes (and prolly song by a white guy). And ya laugh at Chris Rock cause he's one funny as hell nigger.

But back to this fuckin' weird deal of adults sayin' the phrase 'the n-word' ta other adults. Americans have gone nuts. Can't even say nigger when havin' an intelligent discussion of why blacks can call each other nigger but a white man is gonna get his head bashed in he try the same thing. Gotta say 'the n-word'.

And let me explain to y'all a little better why blacks can utilize the word nigger more than whites. Not only is we not all crazy guilty from the white man's burden shit, but we's never used the word incorporated wit' tons of hatred and harm and killin' and subjugatin'. When a white person calls a black person a nigger, he's takin' advantage of the historical power of the word. Theys an awful lot of meanin' in that word when used maliciously. And that's the main problem. People think cause it's a word that's sole function is ta put down a particular race of people that it can't be said wit'out harm.

Well, fuck me but I'd rather hear people debating about the word and sayin' the fuckin' thing rather than doin' the whole Romper Room 'n-word' shit. Get over it, yo.

And if y'all think I'm defendin' your right to call me a fuckin' nigger, you're a fuckin' idiot and an asshole too. And you can bring your racist fuckin' ass down my dark alley to receive the motherfuckin' beatin' of your life. Cause bottom line: Ya can say the fuckin' word but ya better not call no black person by it.

Peace and harmony ta y'all, yo. Ain't no trip we can't get past. None of us, yo.

  -- That Cavortin' Bastard


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That Cavortin' Bastard 'n Crew