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"Is that yo final answer, nigga?"

That Bastard Sez:
"Gimme my money 'fore I sic Fat Sal on yo ass!"




"My wife's high
maintenaince, Regis..."

That Bastard Sez:
"Prolly not. Worship her."




Answer to the First Question:
"Abuh, abuh, abuh... Blackbird!"

That Bastard Sez:
"HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW -- pant pant pant... AH HA HA HA HA HA! Cracka!"





That Bastard Sez:
"Mm-mm-mm-MM! You email me anytime, baby..."

Thursday, January 20, 2000

Regis Need to Calm Down and NOW 'Fore Fat Sal Makes a Shoe Outta His Ass
(And he will too, if Regis don't quit it, cuz I'll front him the airfare)


That Cavortin' Bastard ain't gonna be just crappin' shit 'bout TV all the time, but that damn Fat Sal keep sitting on his big ole ass, shovin' chips and 40s down his thick-ass neck and flippin' through the channels like a ninja.

Thursday night, not much on 'cept WHO WANNA BE A MILLIONAIRE.

Now you can fuck my ass for a million dollars, Lord knows it's gone for less. But I ain't never goin' on that show if I be made a fool like these people were tonight: FAT CHIN DUDE (not as fat as Fat Sal, though), BRIAN DA FOOL, MARTY, A STUPID-ASS HO, and CRACKA Nathaniel.

But first, y'all gotta know -- some dude got himself a million bucks from the show the night before. So you know whassup... ABC's ain't in no mood to be given up another chill mil just yet.

They didn't have ta worry none. Fat Chin Dude didn't know that a skullcap didn't have it no brim, an' the damn audience had to pull his lard outta the fire. (If ever I'm on that audience, I'm votin' for the wrong answer, yo, just to mess me up some vanilla.) But anyway, least he din't try bein' schmoove, like Cracka Nathaniel.

Brian da Fool -- a weeny weasely white nucker with a ass-kissin' "solid tie" Regis is chronic to -- seemed FUCKED UP when he got ZERO duckets for messing up on the FIRST question, which was "What did little Jack Horner pull from the pie?" He says, "Blackbird, Regis!" and me an' Fat Sal whoop it up some when Brian nearly cries, right? Because the answers was "plum," peeps. You knew that, I knew that, Fat Sal probably savored it. But Brian, he's gotta go through life, facin' snickerin' friends, look his momma in the face. Laugh so hard That Cavortin' Bastard cut him some bad cheez more than once, ya know.

Ya think ABC big suits gave it up to each other after that? "Ew yeah, Bob, do that chubby up my ass, yo -- we ain't losin' no money!" Oh yeah -- ratin's on the cheap. Perfect shot that all you whiteys are gonna rap about next day over all your Instant Messengers and shit.

Lateesha hollered me from the avenue so I missed some nother nilla (PEOPLE GET ME A BROTHA ON THAT THERE SHOW!). Guess he made himself a thou but who knows, yo? I missed the ho.

But, oh my, Nathaniel. Cracka Nathaniel.

No one is creamier than Nathaniel. Funny lawyer boy Nathaniel. Smirkin', cocksure, smarty, face-wantin'-slappin Nathaniel. Nathaniel the comedian, he impersonates Prez Bush, ya know -- "It wouldn't be prudent!" Well, ain't you a saltine, Nathaniel.

Nathaniel, it wouldn't be prudent for y'all to come down my dark alley. I swear to you and your family, you won't be smirkin' or smarty after, no sir.

But you'll be cocksure. Oh yeah, I promise ya that.

Show ended on him having 8Gs and still rollin'. I'm hopin' an Eastside brotha teaches him a lesson 'fore the next show. C'mon, folks! I wanna see him cry! Yeah.

ABC lost itself 'bout 11 thou at most this night, only 4 if Nathaniel gets whacked on national TV, or in someone's private dark alley. Eleven Gs's prolly what The Big Man at ABC ordered after losin' himself a mil the night before. And ya know there ain't gonna be no Richie White Riches coming out of that show for a few weeks.


-- That Cavortin' Bastard


BTW -- Regis, I swear to God as my witness, I saved yo life. Fat Sal is so sick of your act, yo no-soul "Let's play, baby!", he was gonna go down and shove a foot in yo ass. An' believe me, he's got one FAT foot, man. I told him I wouldn't lend him money for the airfare, so I figure yo owe me. Send money.

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Copyright © 2000 No Apologies Press! for That Cavorting Bastard 'n crew