January 20, 2000
Regis Need to
Calm Down and NOW 'Fore Fat Sal Makes a Shoe Outta His Ass
he will too, if Regis don't quit it, cuz I'll front him the airfare)
ain't gonna be just crappin' shit 'bout TV all the time, but
that damn Fat Sal keep sitting on his big ole ass, shovin' chips
and 40s down his thick-ass neck and flippin' through the channels
like a ninja.
not much on 'cept WHO WANNA BE A MILLIONAIRE.
Now you can fuck
my ass for a million dollars, Lord knows it's gone for less.
But I ain't never goin' on that show if I be made a fool like
these people were tonight: FAT CHIN DUDE (not as fat as Fat Sal,
though), BRIAN DA FOOL, MARTY, A STUPID-ASS HO, and CRACKA Nathaniel.
But first, y'all
gotta know -- some dude got himself a million bucks from the
show the night before. So you know whassup... ABC's ain't in
no mood to be given up another chill mil just yet.
They didn't have
ta worry none. Fat Chin Dude didn't know that a skullcap didn't
have it no brim, an' the damn audience had to pull his lard outta
the fire. (If ever I'm on that audience, I'm votin' for the wrong
answer, yo, just to mess me up some vanilla.) But anyway,
least he din't try bein' schmoove, like Cracka Nathaniel.
Brian da Fool --
a weeny weasely white nucker with a ass-kissin' "solid tie"
Regis is chronic to -- seemed FUCKED UP when he got ZERO
duckets for messing up on the FIRST question, which was "What
did little Jack Horner pull from the pie?" He says, "Blackbird,
Regis!" and me an' Fat Sal whoop it up some when Brian nearly
cries, right? Because the answers was "plum," peeps.
You knew that, I knew that, Fat Sal probably savored it. But
Brian, he's gotta go through life, facin' snickerin' friends,
look his momma in the face. Laugh so hard That Cavortin' Bastard
cut him some bad cheez more than once, ya know.
Ya think ABC big
suits gave it up to each other after that? "Ew yeah, Bob,
do that chubby up my ass, yo -- we ain't losin' no money!"
Oh yeah -- ratin's on the cheap. Perfect shot that all you whiteys
are gonna rap about next day over all your Instant Messengers
me from the avenue so I missed some nother nilla (PEOPLE GET
ME A BROTHA ON THAT THERE SHOW!). Guess he made himself a thou
but who knows, yo? I missed the ho.
But, oh my, Nathaniel.
No one is creamier
than Nathaniel. Funny lawyer boy Nathaniel. Smirkin', cocksure,
smarty, face-wantin'-slappin Nathaniel. Nathaniel the comedian,
he impersonates Prez Bush, ya know -- "It wouldn't be prudent!"
Well, ain't you a saltine, Nathaniel.
Nathaniel, it wouldn't
be prudent for y'all to come down my dark alley. I swear
to you and your family, you won't be smirkin' or smarty after,
But you'll be cocksure.
Oh yeah, I promise ya that.
Show ended on him
having 8Gs and still rollin'. I'm hopin' an Eastside brotha teaches
him a lesson 'fore the next show. C'mon, folks! I wanna see him
ABC lost itself
'bout 11 thou at most this night, only 4 if Nathaniel gets whacked
on national TV, or in someone's private dark alley. Eleven Gs's
prolly what The Big Man at ABC ordered after losin' himself a
mil the night before. And ya know there ain't gonna be no Richie
White Riches coming out of that show for a few weeks.
That Cavortin' Bastard
BTW -- Regis, I
swear to God as my witness, I saved yo life. Fat Sal is so sick
of your act, yo no-soul "Let's play, baby!", he was
gonna go down and shove a foot in yo ass. An' believe me, he's
got one FAT foot, man. I told him I wouldn't lend him money for
the airfare, so I figure yo owe me. Send money.