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"Trust no one"

That Bastard Sez:
"Especially the white man, yo."










"I wanna believe
that aliens are here."

That Bastard Sez:
"I wanna believe them cracka abductions were really happening."









"Yo! "

That Bastard Sez:
"White folks got the weirdest sense of entertainment."











That Bastard Sez:
"This be what them crackas are really scared of."











"Wanna lick my crucifix? "

That Bastard Sez:
"Come on down my dark alley, baby. I've got the fear of the white man in my pants, yo."

Thursday, January 27, 2000

Cherokee Dan Lays the Smack Down on the X-Files

(The revelation of just another damn white-ass conspiracy)


Yo, check this jawn out. Now, That Cavortin' Bastard ain't all about the X-Files. If cracka yuppies wanna spook themselves out with messed up stories, that's their own biz. But every now an then, I catch Fat Sal all hooked up into an episode an I usually grab my forty dog and take a seat cause when Fat Sal's got a mad grip on that control, well best leave the nigga be. So I'm a chillin there with Fat Sal when Cherokee Dan blows in and gets all vexed with our viewin decision. I gots ta laugh, cuz he's just crazy messed up with us kickin it to this program. Now, here's the fucked up thing. He tells us why and god damned if'n I ain't feelin like a nucker caught three clips short. Cherokee Dan tellin us we be dummin and we don't even know it and he starts in on his rap. It went sometin like this.

 It's all about oppressions and the dissemination of lies and bullshit warnings about us and our African brothers. First off, he's sayin, how many brothas you ever see on this show?

An I ain't too into it but Fat Sal's got some mean know how bout the show and tells Cherokee Dan there used ta be this one guy, some Jumpstreet motha, but he got his ass shanked.

Exactly, goes Dan, and what was that nigga's name?

So Fat Sal starts thinkin for a sec and I'm gettin all jazzed by this and where Cherokee Dan is headed. Fat Sal says he didn't have no name, far as he knew. They called him Mister X or some such shit.

And dat don't ring no bells, yo? And what he do?

I see Fat Sal gettin into this too, like we be them cracka agents figurin it all out cept Sal ain't no red head hottie. Sal says sometin like he gave that vanilla cream Mulder information federal didn't want him to know.

Zactly! screams Dan, slappin his leg. A brother named X killed by the man for tellin the truth.

But X was killed by a nuther brotha, I a say fore I realize Cherokee Dan talkin bout the Man in the capital M sense.

But that ain't nothin but a cold sweat to the real lowdown behind this show. It's about the white man's fears of being colonized. He just be fearin' the reapin comes with the sowin, yo? An they want ya to think it's Alien colonization that theys ascared of but it ain't. They call them aliens greys, y'hear? Dark skinned. Not white. See? And to make sure ya didn't miss the point, these crackas end up finding a space ship off the coast of Africa. Gotta make sure all their cracka ass kind unnerstand that they ain't talkin bout aliens comin from space but niggas comin from Africa. An afore I go any further wit that, the show tells us it ain't just colonization by blacks they's scared of but hybridization. Race mixin, yo. They's afraid the black man be takin the white woman. This gets a bit into aliens needin human slaves n shit (figure that one, yo) which starts a whole fear of Affirmative Action plot and the black man on top in the biz world which I don't wanna start in on.

Holy shit mutters Fat Sal.

That ain't even startin it, bro. The way the white man is gonna combat this expected mulatto threat and thinnin of their milkass blood and vanilla pearl culture is to clone white children and where? In the whitest of whites, Canada. Another slam they takin at us to ensure not a single cracka miss the point that we's a violent inhuman group a people is by having Africanized honey bees spread the disease which will create the hybrids. See? They seein' the black man as a swarm of ragin buzzin insects spreadin thems evil seed cross their great white land.

Me n Fat Sal are jus sittin there tryin to swallow all this garbage we been swallowing without even know we's swallowin it. So the X-Files is all about the white man's fear of the black man's rule, yo? I say.

Not jus that and not exactly neither. It's a warning, yo. A warning to white people in the form of popular entertainment and it's not about the black man's rule, yo, but about the black man taking the white man's women. It's an overblown fear of jungle fever which, we all knows, he's sayin with a huge assed grin, is cracka's number one fear. What drives that white ass Mulder? What's the bullet in his ass that makes him do all this crazy shit? His sister's abduction by the greys. His sis jus ran off with a brother, Holmes. And he's all freaked out and needin a shrink and shit.

That's a pretty heavy trip, yo. And Fat Sal says sure like to spend a few innings in Scully's nappy dugout, y'know what I'm sayin? Heh, sit back and get a skully from Scully, y'know?

Cherokee Dan jus shakes his head. Ain't you heard word one a what I been talkin bout? She's the biggest white trap on the show, yo. She be frontin she's all cute and innocent and crap but she represents Christianity and the Virgin Mother, yo. Why you think that Mulder dude ain't never knocked boots wit her? It's the ultimate symbol a the white man's colonizin efforts and the aspect used to lull the other races rage, y'know? That shit she representin is worse than crack, holmes. They spect you to be lulled by her image and ya sit their all dummin listenin to her Christian bullshit, just like a lotta poor brothas before you. You gotta fade on that shit, bro. Or else ya gotta start thinkin bout the crap you be sittin yourself in front of, Fat Sal. The Man is workin on your mind at all hours and you gotta keep your mind workin or your mind is workin for him, bros.

Word was about all I knew to say to that. Word, brother.

And that was the tripped up rap session me an Fat Sal had with our homey Cherokee Dan some weekend back. Course, I'm still hopin that Scully bitch ends up comin down my dark alley some time. Yeah.


-- That Cavortin' Bastard

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Copyright © 2000 No Apologies Press! for That Cavorting Bastard 'n crew