February 2, 2000
Damn Bitches Got
Themselfs in a Broohaha Like a Couple o' BooBoo Heads Fightin'
Over THAT CAVORTIN' BASTARDS' Bozack
(You know it ain't
no lie, cause I got both Deevine an' Lateesha givin' up the natty.
Ch'all must think
That Cavortin' Bastard a couch-fuckin' telezombie, watching
Channel White the way I'm on about TV and all.
Truth is, I hates
the devil box. Hates it! Cause it's all about Whitey, yo.
Yeah, once in a
while a new playa comes 'round and tries to be Network Nigga
to gets it some kinda numbers, but then -- as inevitably as the
Pale Plague diseasin' the world with its guns and religion and
shit -- them networks are all about the cracka cleavage and leavin'
the brothas stranded in stereotyped boogeyman shit.
folk? Yeah, I saw some them on some show once. They was rapin'
and killin' white pussy. Good show, too, cause that just shows
y'all what them fellas is all 'bout."
'Member when FOX
was about the Wayans? WB tried the same thang before gettin'
Buffy and Dawson on their scopes. Now UPN should be (are
they? Dunno.) all about the black -- but they's got White Men
in Space and White Men Grappling Each Other Like Lovas. UPN ain't
EVER gonna get anywhere, with "Wrastlin'," "Star
Trek," and "Shasta McNasty" leadin' the way. Sheeeit.
Fuck the networks
furilla. Fuck yo television.
None of the above
has nothin' to do about my crackdown on some girlz who be fightin
like bitches do,'cept to show that the devil's box is more than
just TV, y'all -- the devil's gotten on the Internet, floodin'
it with Honkey Tales of Injustice and Wrong!
Next thing ya know,
it's gonna be all 'bout Brothas rapin' and killin' white pussy.
Like this one:
and a Dead Cat, Yo
James and Bebe the White Pussy that Srini Snuffed
S'all started when
Srini Khumar killed himself a kitty belongin' to one James Squeaky,
his roommate and business partner at www.unamerican.com. He threw the kitten through
a glass window y'all.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS
YOU SMOKIN'?! You done throwed WHITE PUSSY through a window!
You ain't no brotha, but you ain't no lily neither!
messed up, yo. Just a kitty cat an all.
Srini an James
once worked together, so y'all knows they was tight. Maybe too
tight, ya know what I'm sayin'? Yeah, ya know.
James have himself
a righteous beef against the dude, but man, he goes on an on
an ON, buggin about the damn cat in his online journal.
The dude done took down the page (despite his "What I do is
but lucky for ya'll That Cavortin Bastard saved it. Here the highlights and
"In the past,
Srini has let Bebe sleep in his room and so she had gotten used
to it. Suddenly, for some reason, he didn't want her in there
anymore so he started closing his door so she couldn't get in.
Bebe liked it in there... so she would scratch and meow at his
door.... I told him that he'd have to just ignore her for a night
or two and she'd get the clue.... Unfortunately, he'd always
give in and let her in and so she never learned otherwise.
she was meowing in the living room, but I was so fast asleep
I didn't hear anything until I was awoken to the sound of shattering
Srini at the living room window and I asked 'What happened?'
sort of startled and said that the kitten had fallen through
Yeah, not likely,
James sent the
journal entry to all the souls on Srini's mailing list, so o'
course Srini got himself a shitload o' hatemail. I sent me one
too, cause that's just the judgin' hate machine I trip to, yo:
Shit, you threw
a fucking cat through a window? Fuckin' cowardly, pullin' that
crap. You best not come down my dark alley here in Oaktown, cuz
I'll give ya something to be cowardly about!
Dude sends me a
LONG ASS FORM LETTER (not longer than the journal entry, dough)
tellin' me and the rest of the bangers the "real story"
which don't only address cat shit, but EVERYTHING ELSE GOING
ON IN HIS LIFE. Highlights, yo:
"The way James
portrayed me in his email was as a lying, vicious kittenkiller,
and a rotten business partner to boot....
cat died, and it was ultimately by my hand. if only I had been
more careful, more gentle with her. i am so sorry, bebe, and
i am sorry to you, james, as well.... james is trying to make
me look like a murderer (we'll get to why in a minute) - but
my god, it's not as if i did some kind of victory dance after
the cat was injured!!!! his depiction of me is untrue.
"i meant to
toss the cat onto the sofa that sits right in front of the window.
instead, to my own disbelief, she went through it (it was only
about 1/4" thick, so it didn't take much). i didn't even
know what happened until i felt the breeze from outside! *i*
screamed out (that's what woke james up), *i* looked up the vet,
rushed the cat to the vet with James, and ultimately paid nearly
$1500 in vet bills to help the cat come back to health....
Srini then tries
to shift blame on ta the cracka who's pussy he killed, while
paintin' himself a saint:
a week later, James -- instead of caring for the cat -- went
to Boulder to visit with his girlfriend. the cat was left with
James' friend Dave, who was supposed to administer medicine to
her wound. whether he did that or not, is anyone's guess....
of course, when james came home to find the cat dead, he was
devastated.... instead of letting me console him, he rekindled
his hatred for me.
came out to visit, and I respected his wishes to avoid them....
one day in early January, I knocked on his door to let them borrow
my car and I see a U-Haul out in the driveway. Along with his
own stuff, he stole (i'm sure he'd say "scammed") a
computer... a brand-new still-in-its-box scanner, and a laserprinter....
he quit that day, he has been trying to shake me down for money
I don't even have -- he wanted me to pay him several thousand
dollars in order to get my files back. i have this documented
in the form of an email he sent last week. And, in probably his
most sickening gesture, he cashed for himself a $2300 goodbye
check without asking me, citing moving expenses and back taxes
(i'm serious, this is true!!!).... Finally, he left to portland
without having paid the two months of rent he owed for staying
here. Of course, he neglected to check whether there was that
much money in the bank account -- there wasn't, the check bounced....
Apparently, if James can't be a part of Unamerican, I believe
it is his will to destroy it.
I learned here is that if you commit a wrong, even if it is an
accident, don't expect to be forgiven; expect revenge instead.
So I write back
ta James, right?
"Yo cracka, I dug your journal
entry and I was pissed-off that that Srini dude fucked up your
cat, so I sent him a note that read:
threw a fucking cat through a window? [y'all read this already...]'
me a LONG ASS note explainin' his side -- and says you stole
money and computer equipment when you moved out of your rent-free
house. Dis true?
Yeah, rollin' on...
not true. Srini lied about a good deal of things and bended the
truth to make me look really bad.
Big stuff to chew
on, this ain't, so That Cavortin' Bastard wanders over
to Srini and axe:
I axe James if it were true about stealing computer shit and
trying to cash checks. He sez:
not true. Srini lied about a good deal of things and bended the
truth to make me look really bad.
"i have the
cancelled check here. you got a fax number?
computer stuff, how could i lie about that? it wasn't here th
day he left. i've got receipts for the scanner, and the computer
he probably took because he felt he had a right to it. but thanks
for letting me know that james' campaign of disinformation continues
exhausted. sorry if this sounds a little defensive, but really,
i am not lying. if james counters with "yes he is",
what can i do? but thanks for being critical, that don't bother
forgot to save himself the response, but I did give him a fax
number. He never did give up the cancelled check. At the time,
dough, I thought he'd show up with the goods, so I sez to James:
Srini sends me
much material to chew on. You gimme a blanket statement saying
he's not telling the truth. Can't help but think that Srini's
one up on yo, man.
ta chew on.
James must be runnin'
for gov'nor or some shit, cause he's tryin' to be all neutral
and shit, Cracka-style:
This is not a contest.
You can believe me if you like or you can believe Srini. The
material that Srini sent you is the same thing he sent to the
entire list, shall I just send you the email I sent out again?
Without the check
comin' in, and me knowin' that he who pleads innocent the loudest
(and longest) generally be the bitch, I was gonna be satisfied
with my initial hate judgement 'gainst Srini, cause he almost
done caused another Whitey riot against the brothas, even though
no brotha is to be found in the case (The Man never did need
much provokin' to put the wood on the African). And asides that,
he killed a kitty-cat.
But then Suck.com -- which really does suck
nowadays, ever since Wired bought it -- weighs in. If the text is unavailable,
then check it here,
Me bein' That
Cavortin' Bastard, I forwards Suck's thang on to the girlz.
These sucksters're layin' on the 2x4 pretty harsh on ya hide.
Still, been awhile since I's cared a fart about 'em, with their
dummin' comics that mean nothin' and their nonopinions. Not like
before the original lambasters sold out the site for just few
thou to some freakin' inc., yo. Sheeit."
Srini basks in
yeah, my photo
on the top of Suck, yeow. i am, like, so FAMOUS now.
this is all so
surreal... what next? CNN?
Yeah, that'd be
good fo keepin' the low down, man. Sent it to James too:
ya side, yo! I dunno if that's good -- been a long ass time since
suck.com was any good, with all their notfunny fuckall comics
and nonopinions -- meanin' they ain't concerned about what they's
sayin' so much as HOW they says it. Damn crackas."
"It doesn't seem so much that suck is supporting me as they
are attacking Srini. Pretty vicious. I do have respect for suck,
though. They got a nice operation going. Honestly, I'm just at
the point where I want to get on with my life.
a schmoove operation? This error had to be rectified, yo, so
ya checked them out a few years back, but they were fly once.
They had them opinions and expressed them, but there'd be some
real thinkin' involved, some real arguments, yo. Then they'all
went and sold out ta Wired... ugh. Not schmoove. Now it.s a bunch
of glitz an' shit.
ya sez, it's a vicious attack on Srini. Now I ain't oppossed
to a beat-down, but suck is still gliddin' on its ol' rep of
bein' smart and mean, when they's just mean now, y'know?"
At which point,
James can't contain his excitement no more:
"I'm really curious-who are you?
To which I can
only sez nothin' more than:
That Cavortin' Bastard