"We Don't Like You None, Srini."

by Suck.com

(unabridged version of relevant text follows)

Hit & Run 1.27.00

We've always had some sympathy
for Srini Kumar and his
Unamerican Activities business,
with its implicit dilemma of
offering countless slogans in
search of a brand. "It's ironic
that in a nation founded upon
its guarantee of freedom of
speech, assembly, and the press
for all citizens, we find so
little meaningful political
dissent," the tireless
iconoclast laments. As it turns
out, though, !!!srini has found
a new way of getting his point
across - when in doubt,
throw your roommate's cat out
the window. As described by
James Squeaky, Kumar's erstwhile
roommate and Unamerican
co-worker, last month the
Unamerican founder hurled
Squeaky's feline familiar
through a
quarter-inch-thick pane
of glass, ending a night of
mewling and scratching
shenanigans and mortally
wounding the beast. Of course,
single people tend to be fond of
their cats, and Squeaky has not
taken the catastrophe lying
down. This weekend he hijacked
the Unamerican mailing list with
a painful tell-all that had
!!!srini struggling to justify
himself. ("... my wrists are
aching from emailing back thos
[sic] of you who contacted me,"
!!!srini whined in a follow-up
message, to which we can only
say: Good, now maybe you won't
throw any more defenseless
through windows!) In a
mass-mailed counterattack, the
hapless !!!srini has offered
that signature trope for the age
of apology chic - the
nonadmission admission. It turns
out he only meant to lob the
rambunctious pussy onto a nearby
couch, the whole incident was a
product of
post­Battle in Seattle fatigue,
the real culprit is some
negligent third party who forgot
to give the cat its medicine,
and so on. We don't condone
cruelty to animals in any form,
but it certainly seems the
energetic sloganeer could use
some new catch phrases to go
KILLED YOUR CAT" might be just
the ticket.

Copyright © 1994-2000 Wired Digital Inc. All rights reserved.

(The Cavortin' Bastard and Crew, and No Apologies! Press, don't make no claim to this here material other than to cite its newsworthiness . As it was previously posted for public viewing, and Suck says we can copy their material in their copyright materials, so trip.)

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CRACKA vs. CRACKA: Two Ex-Girlfriends and a Dead Kitty Cat