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by That Cavortin' Bastard




by YellowSnow



Greetin' Cards,
Elian Style

by Distorted View



News Stories
That Cavortin' Bastard
Thinks Ya'll Should Read

Monday, April 30, 2000

Miami Cubans -- Ain't It Typical
(Nobody an animal like a Miami Cuban, yo... nobody)

That Cavortin' Bastard ain't one to defend the gov'ment, yo, so I won't. But goddamn, I gotta say, they ain't no people I hate's more (as ya know, I's a righteous hate machine) than them nucka Miami Cubans.

Some goddamn mothafuckin' racists, they is. Fuck 'em. If you ain't a brotha that ain't ever been down to South Florida, yo, then you don't even know where I'm comin' from, y'all. But here's a flava:

Polls show that 92 percent of Miami blacks supported Elian returning to his father. That has infuriated some Cuban Americans.

"All we have to say is, 'We shall remember,'" noted one letter sent to Robert Steinback, a black Miami Herald columnist. "We own the majority of businesses in South Florida. The next time you need a job, don't bother applying."

-- San Francisco Examiner
April 23, 2000

All's That Cavortin' Bastard has gotta say is FUCK OFF YA MOTHAFUCKIN' BABY THIEFS!

Dirty Miami Cubans.

Now y'all see what happens when some fresh-off-the-boat refugees from some banana republic gets themdelfs a chance to set up shop in the US o' A, yo. They's start battin' at windows an' firin' up tires an' runnin' the streets, bellies a swingin' an' beer a spillin' as they scream like yawpin' cavemen chasin' down that there pig gettin' away cuz the cavemen's dumb as Whitey in Oakland after dark.

Filthy animals, them pigs. Cubans jonesin' on pig. Pigs jonesin' on dirt. Same thang, if y'all ax me (an' I know you is).

"Freedom for Elian!" they all cry like bayin' dogs, as if that damn kid was gonna be free if he laid up with you criminals. Sheeeeeeit. Y'all would have that there kid under a microscope, yo, yeah. He'd have ta deal with you heathens treatin' him like he was the Second Comin'... AN' HE AIN'T. He a KID.

With a daddy.

Anyone ever try ta take any o' my five or so kids, I'll take ya down my dark alley.

Mothafuckin' Miami Cooban baby thiefs, that's what I'm talkin' about. Here's the eight-step program for immigrant success, yeah:


1) Start yodelf with 35 percent o' the people in South Florida an' 60 percent of the Miami pop.

2) Mug ya way inta the CEO chillios an' managerial coolios

3) Lace them politicos with cash an' rum an' cervezas, yeah, an fire yer police chief when he does his job cuz that there Miami mayor is in yer pocket like the ho he is.

4) Take photos o' power peeps with a Florida ho (they's plenty of 'em available here) an' keep them pics tucked 'way in a safe place, yo

5) Kill yerself a president when he dun go along with yo plans

6) Dun say a thang when them poor-ass black Haitians who really have it bad in that hellpit island get sent back, but go ape shit when a kid might get sent back ta a country that can feed itdelf

7) Say "Jes" (or "chyes", that works for nuckas too) insteada "yeah" and "Cooba" insteada "Cuba" like a dirty swine eater

8) Grow yodelf a fatty pig belly ta swing back an' forth as ya'll stampede Miami Boulevard squealing like the fatty pigs you is, BEEEATCH!


Them Gonzalezes... America's most ass-fucked family from America's most ass-fucked people in America's most ass-fucked city. Sheeit...

Marileysis Gonzalez... First she plays it coolio, yo, cuz she's seein' herself (along with them media types) as Motha Mary to Elian's Christ, but then he's taken from her -- rightfully, yeah -- an' she goes tearin' up the place, knowin' that without that kid she's hoin' out, she ain't on no front page of some third-rate paper like the Miami Herald.

An' she cain't have that, no. No, instead, she draws herself mo' attention, sayin' mucho lies, like "Elian need me, jes!" when photos showin' he digs hangin' with daddy, yeah. Lyin' ho, that Marisleysis, then starts screamin', "Jes, those photos are doctored, jes!" (even though she said otherwise to that simpleton fisherman who just be ridin' the fame train while it lasts, yeah.)

If ever I sell yo ass out, you best not hold out on me when I need my caish, cuz I'll bitch slap ya till ya wanna go back to "Cooba". Ho.

Fuckin' lyin' Miami Cuban baby thiefs.

Then ya got yo Unca Lazaro Gonzalez, also known as The Cuban Drunk (okay, yeah, that ain't specific enough, since they's all drunks). "El Jefe" wanna look after the kid? Ya right, you stupid motha fucka. If yer gonna drink and drive, yo, don't get freakin' caught -- an if you do, then recognize ya just certifiably stupid. Foo.

Then you them politicos, like that Cuban fuck, Miami Mayor Joe Carollo, who fired his freaking city manager cuz the city manager wouldn't fire the police chief cuz he was doin' his job by puttin' the wood to them swine eatin' Cubans. Accordin' to my "sources" on the inside, yo, that well-used politico ho was heard to yell:

"Goddamn joo! What me gonna tell the Miami Mafia now?!? Chyes, I am gonna get fucked in my ass by them bendejos, mother fucker! Hol' on.... HEY, YOU WHITE BITCH SECRETARY! GET ME TEN TACO BELL CHALUPAS -- DON'T FORGET THE FUCKIN' SAUCE BEATCH!"

Fuck them Miami Cubans. They think just because they can come over from some backwater country and take over a backwater state, they can make the country do what they want it to do, even dough it goes 'gainst God? Fuck them mothafuckin', swine-eatin', Haitian-hatin', president-killin', politics-corruptin' racists.

Peace to the rests of you,

-- That Cavortin' Bastard

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